I need a vacation

This post is nothing exciting.  This is about my personal struggle with anxiety and panic attacks.  I've been suffering from anxiety and panic attacks on and off for many years now.

Tonight I was watching NBC Rock Center with Brian Williams on panic attacks.  I was shocked to see the statistic that 1 in 4 Americans suffer from this condition. I didn't think it was that common.  I guess it is not something people openly talk about.  It's hard to accept it to being with, let alone be able to talk to another person about it.  Sometimes I feel the need to just let someone know so I feel better.  Knowing the other person knows that I have this condition gives me relief.  Is anxiety and panic attacks seen as a sign of weakness to some people?  Perhaps.  I read somewhere that it is not a sign of weakness and that it is just from working too hard for too long.

Just watching these people talk about what causes their panic attacks gave me anxiety!  I had to remember to breathe.  I can relate to these people.  Making decisions can be so difficult sometimes so much to the point that it leads to anxiety.  It doesn't even have to be a life altering decision that needs to be made.  It can be something so simple such as, what time I need to take the bus or what should I eat for lunch.  The decision making process is so difficult because I worry about what will happen if I make that decision. What are the consequences of that decision I make?  And course, I think of the worst thing that can happen.  I'm constantly worrying about what MAY happen and that I do not have control over it.  It really limits the kind of activity I can do or places I can go to.  Once the anxiety reached a full blown panic attack, it is absolutely the worst feeling in the world.  I literally feel like I am going to die, and that the world is going to cave in on me.  

I enjoyed watching Erin Callan, former Lehman CFO, on NBC Rock Center.  She broke the glass ceiling in a male dominated world and said doesn't regret doing so, but also how important it is to step back when needed and to enjoy life.  It really depends on the person... if they want to lean in far and work hard to accomplish their goal, then go for it.  If you don't want that and if stepping back a bit will give you more happiness, then do it.  We have that choice.  It is our choice.  My choice.