yellow floral skirt

$17.80, forever 21, size 2

A rare forever 21 find that is petite friendly.  This skirt is cut smaller than their usual size.  I love the pattern and the color of this skirt, especially for the summer!  It is professional enough to wear to work depending on how you style it.

I need a vacation

This post is nothing exciting.  This is about my personal struggle with anxiety and panic attacks.  I've been suffering from anxiety and panic attacks on and off for many years now.

Tonight I was watching NBC Rock Center with Brian Williams on panic attacks.  I was shocked to see the statistic that 1 in 4 Americans suffer from this condition. I didn't think it was that common.  I guess it is not something people openly talk about.  It's hard to accept it to being with, let alone be able to talk to another person about it.  Sometimes I feel the need to just let someone know so I feel better.  Knowing the other person knows that I have this condition gives me relief.  Is anxiety and panic attacks seen as a sign of weakness to some people?  Perhaps.  I read somewhere that it is not a sign of weakness and that it is just from working too hard for too long.

Just watching these people talk about what causes their panic attacks gave me anxiety!  I had to remember to breathe.  I can relate to these people.  Making decisions can be so difficult sometimes so much to the point that it leads to anxiety.  It doesn't even have to be a life altering decision that needs to be made.  It can be something so simple such as, what time I need to take the bus or what should I eat for lunch.  The decision making process is so difficult because I worry about what will happen if I make that decision. What are the consequences of that decision I make?  And course, I think of the worst thing that can happen.  I'm constantly worrying about what MAY happen and that I do not have control over it.  It really limits the kind of activity I can do or places I can go to.  Once the anxiety reached a full blown panic attack, it is absolutely the worst feeling in the world.  I literally feel like I am going to die, and that the world is going to cave in on me.  

I enjoyed watching Erin Callan, former Lehman CFO, on NBC Rock Center.  She broke the glass ceiling in a male dominated world and said doesn't regret doing so, but also how important it is to step back when needed and to enjoy life.  It really depends on the person... if they want to lean in far and work hard to accomplish their goal, then go for it.  If you don't want that and if stepping back a bit will give you more happiness, then do it.  We have that choice.  It is our choice.  My choice.

Current Obsessions:

1. Cashmere sweaters.  I was never a fan of sweaters because usually the material that make a sweater are itchy on my sensitive skin.  I always looked for cotton back then but now I am obsessed with soft, good quality cashmere.  Even with the annoyance of either dry cleaning only or hand washing only, I would choose cashmere for winter, because the material is so warm!  I am especially fond of J.crew waffle knit cashmere sweaters.

2. Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin.  O. M. G.  I am a little behind on this but I am crazy about these books!  I watched season 1 and 2 within a weekend.  Yes, I literally just sat in my room one weekend and watched everything.  After that, I just had to find out what would happen next so I started reading the books.  I read from the first book, not where the TV series left off, because I did not want to miss the details in the book.  Anyways, I'm on the fifth book now and don't think I can wait a few more years for the sixth book to be published!  If I knew book six and seven was not written yet, I would have tried to take my sweet time to read the previous ones.  I'm about 50% through the fifth book and trying to be super slow reading it.  Why does it matter?  I mean, no matter how slow I try to read, I would likely be done with the book by next week. Maybe in two weeks if I am lucky.  Waiting is frustrating.  The February Popsugar box came with a Nicholas Sparks paperback.  Perhaps I will read that next.

Anyways, since these books are so long, reading has replaced most of the idle time I used to spend shopping online.  Not only that,  I have to say I am quite proud of myself for spending less money on shopping in general.  I have not been as obsessed with buying designer items.  I really came to the conclusion that, if something does not fit perfectly for feel comfortable, it is not worth it.  With that being said, anything I bought that I found to be comfortable after trying it for a few days and/or weeks, I bought that same item in a different color or as back up.  I tried not to do that in the past, but had multiple occasions when I regretted not buying a second.

3. Crossbody bags.  I used to carry around my heavy satchels, but my back and shoulders felt strained by the end of day.  Being hands-free while walking around is awesome.  I'm currently using a light blue Tory Burch foldabe crossbody bag, but am looking for something in a neutral or vibrant color.

4. Polka dots.  It's quite sad actually.  I have seven polka dot tops and would not mind having more, specifically a polka dot cashmere sweater.